


Him and Her

by Eris97



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: ABitGraphic, ARetellingSortOf, BenSoloTurningToKyloRen, EarlyForceBond, F/M, FastRetelling, ForceBond, ForceVisions, Gen, IHaveNoIdeaAboutAliens, IHaveNoIdeaAboutSpaceShips, Ihavenoideawhatimdoing, JediBen, JediBenTurnedSith, JediRey, JediTraining, Justlikestrangers, MaybeAngsty, Memoriesofthepast, MurderOfThePadawans, ReyOfJakku, ReyTrainsToBecomeAJedi, Reylo - Freeform, ReyloShip, Reylotrash - Freeform, Songfic, Starwars - Freeform, TFA - Freeform, TaggingItAsARetelling, TheForceAwakens - Freeform, Thelastjedi - Freeform, Violence, YoungBenSolo, YoungRey, bensolo - Freeform, childhoodAU, childhoodsweethearts, kyloren - Freeform, tlj - Freeform, whenBenMeetsReyYearsAgo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-17
Updated: 2018-04-17
Packaged: 2019-04-24 08:34:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 20,824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14351823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eris97/pseuds/Eris97
Summary: He found her in Jakku. A fresh life that sparked within the heart of a dying desert planet. He brought her with him to guide her to the light, but he himself was falling away from it.She considered him her salvation. She looked up to him more than she did with her own master. He was her light, until she lost him to the darkness.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Im writing this for my own personal enterntainment… and for the feels… plus I had to get this out of my system nyahahahha
> 
> This fic is really really roughly based on a local song. I will be putting some lines of the song at the start of every chapter (translated of course :P) so for disclaimers, I dont own "Star wars" and "Dati" Yadda yadda yadda…
> 
> Just a bit of warning, this fic is a bit fast paced, Caaaauuse I wanted it to be a one long chapter fic, buuut I ended up spliting it so screw me XD

**Part 1- Connection**

**_"Ben"_ **

* * *

 

_Back then, we used to dream together,_

_Singing in the wind with sun-scented skin_

* * *

 

**-25 ABY-**

It has always baffled him how Jakku had ended up in its present state. From where he stood, all he could see is sand and a post a few miles from where his shuttle was. The desert stretched out endlessly here, encasing the entire planet, almost rendering it uninhabitable if not for the thriving life forms that found refuge in this planet that was practically in the middle of nowhere in the western reaches of the inner rim of the galaxy, a spark of life within the dying desert planet.

From the history lessons that he had read in holopods, Jakku was a forest planet that harbored many living flora and fauna many eons ago, lush greenery spread out all over the planet and water was seen everywhere, unlike now where water can only be acquired through imports from another planet for Jakku's inhabitants to drink.

With that thought in mind, his dark gaze wandered to the canteen that hung by his side where he had tightly tied to his belt, his mind already calculating how he was going to save the small amount of water he had if he was going to be stuck in this planet for days.

He wished to the maker he wasn't.

He hated it in Jakku already. Even with his hood on, the heat was still intense from the sand that radiated the midday sun's heat from underneath him, feeling it through his thick soled boots. The harsh wind pulled on his cloak, bringing the annoying specks of sand that found their way inside his clothes and irritated his skin.

Gritting his teeth, he stomped his way towards the only place he could see, happy to see life forms moving around with tools and other tech. It was a proof that told him that this place was civilized enough that he might find the part that he needed for his ship's damaged engine.

After a good ten minutes of walking, he had crossed almost half of the way with the town zooming in bit by bit. He could already see a bunch of life forms clearly and could tell what kind of alien species they were: Abednedos, Uthuthmas and many other species that have immigrated to Jakku, and there was also the local Teedos. One Teedo in particular, a few meters away from him was tugging harshly on something that was blocked away from his view. A high pitch screech filled the dry, hot air.

"This is mine!"

That voice was undoubtedly a small girl's. Distress evident on her screams of resistance. Turning his head to look at the Teedo better, he can now see how it was engaged in a tug of war with a little human girl over a black, bulging sack, with the Teedo having the advantage of size compared to the small frail girl who was torn between pulling on the sack and reaching for the small makeshift staff that was slung over her back.

His pace quickened, his direction pivoting to where the Teedo and the girl were for reasons he himself cannot fathom.

"Hey!" he barked, his voice deep and rough which instantly got the attention of both life forms he was approaching.

"Leave her be." he ordered the Teedo, knowing full well that he wasn't speaking the local dialect of the said species. The Teedo looked at him through its mask, considering his words before it started to talk back in its own tongue. But the ranting fell deaf on his ears as he drew closer. The words meaningless to someone like him who didn't understand Teedospeak.

"I said leave her be." He repeated with a wave of his hand, his voice firm and commanding. The Teedo froze for a moment and repeated what he had just said only in Teedospeak before it turned around and walked away. Satisfied, he turned to look at the young girl behind him only to find her missing. Sounds of grunting from his left side had him twirling around again and immediately saw the young girl already dragging her sack towards the direction of the town, a couple of feet away from him already.

Irritation suddenly flared within him as he watched the retreating figure, the three buns on her head bounced and swayed at every pull on her heavy load. The girl didn't know either courtesy or respect. Here he had just practically rescued her from being robbed, and she just walks away from him without even a sign of gratitude.

"A simple thanks would’ve sufficed!" He called out to the girl who upon hearing him had only gave him a sideways glance, her brown eyes sparkling with her own annoyance. Eyes that didn't seem to belong to a young girl.

"I didn't need your help!" She snapped at him before turning her attention back to her path.

'Ungrateful brat!' Raising his hand, he locked his focus on the target that he aimed for, feeling the force shift through him. Within seconds, the girl stopped abruptly. He watched the confusion struck her face as she stared back down at her sack that seemed to be caught on something, her brows knotting on her forehead in confusion.

When she raised her gaze towards him, he quickly grabbed the opportunity while he still had her focus on him. He reached out within her mind, and just like the Teedo earlier her memories flooded into his mind as he took in everything he needed to know about this planet and of what he sought. But the memories only showed him of a ship flying away in broad daylight, the girl's screams echoing in the background.

_"Come back!"_

Then his hold on her mind disappeared, suddenly blocked out. His brows furrowed in confusion. *Did she just forcefully kick him out of her own mind?*

Without warning the girl reached down and threw a handful of sand at him, the specks flying in a wild flurry sideways but never reaching him.

He'd worry about her blocking him out of her mind later, for now, he had to get her to talk to him and help him find what he was looking for.

"Here's a deal," He said as he approached the girl, locking gazes with her whose eyes had just widened in shock.

"In return for me helping you with that Teedo, you will tell me where I can find a system regulator for a Y90X engine in that town." if he can't use his mind trick with her, then he would have to persuade her. The girl's brows knotted even tighter.

"You mean in Niima?" She asked, her voice shocked, eyes darting towards the direction of Niima outpost before looking back at him.

"Whatever you need it for?" she inquired, shifting her gaze from him and the town.

"It’s for my ship, I need to fix it so I can leave as soon as possible, and I refuse to be delayed any further."

The girl gave another tug on her immobile sack, still failing to move it. "And why should I help you?" She barked back as she tenaciously continued to pull on her sack.

"If you don't then I will take this sack of yours. Whatever inside it must be of great value for you to fight a Teedo for it." He threatened. He knew he wasn't supposed to do that, but desperate times calls for desperate measures, even if it was against his code to blackmail and threaten. He was rewarded with another glare from the girl, her brown almond-shaped eyes gleaming under the harsh sunlight.

"Fine!" She conceded after a few moments. "I may know someone. But with that model, I doubt that we can find one exactly like it, we can try but I won't promise anything."

He nodded in agreement.

"Works for me." He said as he withdrew his hand and his hold on the black sack, walking closer to where she stood. He smoothly ducked and swiped the black sack off the sand and onto his shoulder, reveling at how her eyes widened in shock.

"How did you..." There. He finally saw a spark of childhood in her eyes, something akin to admiration and surprise that lit up her hazel eyes. He only regarded her with a smile as he sauntered towards Niima outpost with the girl following behind him in a sprint.

* * *

 

A spark of annoyance flared within him for the umpteenth time since he landed on this planet, this time however, that almost silent voice was prompting him to use his power to tear down this useless trading booth and execute the pathetic life form inside it.

What was a Crolute doing in a dry desert planet like Jakku anyway? And not only that, this particular aquatic species was a very greedy one, selling him an obviously damaged first generation Y90X engine regulator. It wasn’t the same latest model as his, but he knows that it would still be compatible with the engine, however, this one seems like it wouldn’t even hold together even for a minute of flying.

He had waited in line for almost an hour, enduring the harsh heat of the sun that brought beads of sweat all over his body and soaked some parts of his clothing. He had been patient while the Crolute inspected every junk that was presented to him, including the pieces of scraps from the girl's sack, giving away packets in exchange for the parts that were given to him. Surely this creature wasn't serious in selling him this piece of junk that he claims to be new.

When the Crolute told him the price, he immediately drew back. He clenched his hands into fists and quickly backed away from the stand, walking out of the shade provided by the community structure and into the burning heat of Jakku's sun. He stomped his way out of Niima outpost to control his temper and prevent himself from doing something he might regret.

"Hey mister!" The girl's call came from behind him. He turned and squinted at the bright light to see the small figure following him. Immediately he stopped on his tracks, watching how the girl closed the distance between him and her.

"Why didn’t you take the regulator?" she asked breathlessly, taking in wisps of air in short pants as she braced her hands on her knees when she came to a stop right in front of him. "I thought you didn’t want to be 'delayed' any longer?" she made a face as she made quotation marks in the air, quoting what he had just said during their first encounter.

The gesture made him smile and his temper finally receded to nothing but an afterthought. His eyes glazed over to her pouch, remembering how she had carefully tucked the packets given to her by that Crolute. Another memory sinking into his mind, he remembered how she tinkered with some of the parts she had in her sack, making sure that they were intact and in working order no matter how pathetically worn out they looked. He wasn’t an expert in fixing machineries, and he definitely wasn't going to tinker around himself if it meant that he will just make the damage worse.

"How are you at fixing things?" he asked instead of answering her question, crossing his arms over his chest as he takes a stance. Her eyes widen before she shied back, a dusty blush creeping on her freckled cheeks as she began fiddling with her hands.

"I don't know. I haven't tried grading myself in that aspect." She admitted.

"But you've tried fixing machines and engines back then?" he quipped, not wanting to waste any more time. She gawked at him for a moment before she answered with a slight nod of her head.

"Good." he mused, turning towards the direction where his ship was.

"I have another deal." He started, raising a hand to point towards a sand dune a few miles away. The shiny silver coating of the top of his shuttle poking out from the brown of the sand.

"My shuttle is there, if you can fix my regulator, I will pay you. How does that sound?" He said, and when he looked back to the girl, she was already excitedly nodding her head in agreement.

* * *

 

"I'll try my best to return as soon as possible." He murmured, mostly to himself instead of the recorder as he ended his message, leaning over the console to press the appropriate button to stop the recording. When he heard the system beep, he shifted his hand to another button, sending the transmission to its intended recipient.

He gave out an exasperated sigh and leaned back on the pilot seat, wanting to close his eyes. But at the same time he didn't want to.

The thoughts had been coming and going at random times, mostly whenever he was angered—which he seldom wasn't. But as hard as it seemed for him to control his temper, he had to do so. He did not want to be swayed. He doesn't want to be tempted. But as much as he wanted, he couldn’t. It was getting harder and harder to resist each day that passes and sometimes he found himself relaxing his guard and allowing the voice to take him away.

A series of metals clanking together from the engine room pulled him away from his thoughts, reminding him of a certain young girl that was currently fixing his ship's engine. Frowning, his eyes swiveled to the brown bag on the corner of the cockpit, full of packed food for his travels and some emergency rations as well.

He didn’t know why but when the girl had accepted his deal, he hadn’t meant that he would pay her through food, he offered her credits but she soundly refused it, asking what was she going to do with credits?

"Are credits edible?" her jesting tone echoed in his memory. So they made a deal; she'll fix his regulator, he'll give her rations. Done and simple.

When the clanking became insistent and began to synchronize with the dull ache of his head, he was forced to rise and inspect the cause, swiping the brown leather bag off the floor on his way out as his footsteps thumped all throughout the corridor.

The double metal doors of the engine room hissed open when it sensed his presence lingering outside, the acrid scent of grease welcoming him when he stepped in and swept his gaze over the room. The girl was banging a wrench over a piece of metal, forcing the scrap to bend at the middle and curve upwards in a small arc. Sensing his presence, the girl stopped hammering, her hand stopping midair before she craned her neck towards his direction and eyes widening a bit.

"Oh hey, I'm almost done." She said, looking back down on the metal she had pinned with her other arm before she slammed a couple more hits on the metal slab and tilting her head sideways to inspect her work. Satisfied, she jumped up with the curved metal slab at hand, the wrench she held on the other hand slipping from her grasp.

Out of reflex, he reached out his hand together with his mind, feeling the force shift through him once again and caught the wrench midair before it could land on the floor with a loud bang.

The wrench hovered in the air for a few seconds, just inches shy from the girl's right foot, before he swung it away and let it go, the tool clanking softly.

When he looked up, the girl's eyes were glued on the wrench before she looked back at him and then again he saw that spark in her eyes.

"How do you do that?" She gasped with awe. He remembered how she had blocked him out of her mind, how he had the feeling that she would be able to control the force like he does. If he could only convince her to come with him, she can be trained. She can become a force-user like them.

"You can do that if you want to." he said as he knelt down to reach her level.

"I can?!" She blurted out, eyes wide in disbelief. He nodded.

"My master can teach you, you can come with me. There are so many thin—" he stopped midsentence, watching how the smile on her face shrank as she began to shake her head in refusal, taking a cautious step backwards away from him.

"I can't leave Jakku." she said, dropping her gaze to the metal scrap that she held on her left hand. "I can't leave Jakku." She repeated softly and turned her back towards him, her hands starting to work on the open panel that revealed wires and motors behind it.

Straightening, he tried to figure out the reason why this girl didnt want to leave Jakku. This planet is practically considered dead, a graveyard of the past and a junkyard for scavengers like her to dwell and hide. What he was offering her was not only knowledge but also the chance to live better, without having to work for food, without having to worry of the dangers that she had to face every single day, to finally live as a kid that she was. But she's refusing it just because she wants Jakku?

Her memories flooded in his mind once more, remembering the ship that he saw in her mind, and how her cries and screams filled the air. Then it clicks.

No, it’s not that she wants Jakku, she was waiting for someone to come back for her here in Jakku.

"Is it because of your family?" he asked and seeing how she froze up before turning around was enough to answer his question.

"Do you know them?" she asked, her voice breaking as her eyes searched his face. "Is that why you are here in Jakku? Did they send you here to get me?" she peppered him with questions he wished he can answer with a simple yes, but he can't.

A sad smile crept up his face as he made his way closer to the girl, crouching down again to reach her eye level. He stared into those brown hazel eyes of hers, seeing how they sparked with hope.

"I wish I can say yes to all of your questions, but I'm afraid I don't know who they are, nor am I here to bring you to them."

Again, her face fell as her eyes now sparkled with unshed tears.

"But I've seen them," he added. "In your mind, I saw them. I looked into your mind and your memories just flooded in my head, I saw the ship that left you here in this planet. I can help you find them." he said with finality, knowing full well that he was promising this girl something that may be hard to fulfill but not impossible.

"Y-you can?" she stuttered, never noticing that she had already dropped the metal slab that she was holding. He nodded.

"If you come with me, train and learn the ways of the force, it can help you find your family, and I'll be here to help you as well. You won't have to wait for them here any longer."

Silence stretched between them as he waited for the answer, watching how she was torn in between accepting and refusing him again, considering everything with care. Finally she straightened herself up, roughly wiping a tear that had fell from her and staring at him dead in the eye.

"Okay." she breathed out. "I will go with you, but promise me that you'll really help me find my family and not just saying these stuff just to get me to go with you." With this, she reached out a small hand, waiting for him to take it. Relieved that he had finally got her to accept his offer, he didn't think twice when he reached out and encased her small hand with his, shaking it slightly as a sign of seal to this deal. A deal that he will surely fulfill.

  
"Rey." she said when she pulled her hand back.

"Ray?" he repeated, obviously confused by that one word.

"I'm Rey." she said, clarifying what she had just said earlier. He smiled, reminding himself how the force works in mysterious ways, allowing him to find this girl that would soon be a force-user like him. A jewel hidden in the desert heart of Jakku. A new padawan that will become a jedi in the future just like he was now.

"Hello Rey, I'm Ben."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I"m still poking my head around here sooooo..... first few chappies' style might look different from one another :P

**_"Rey"_ **

* * *

  _You were with me since then_

_Until now, you're still my dream_

* * *

 

**-27 ABY-**

"Just breathe Rey," The voice was gruff, old and yet clear all at the same time, gently instructing her with what to do and guiding her in this task. She did as she was told, taking in a deep breath and holding it in for a few seconds before releasing all of it in one smooth exhale. She let her body relax, to let herself feel the flow of the force within her just like what she had been doing during meditation sessions like this one. Master Luke was accompanying her today, guiding her mind as she fell into a smooth rhythm of breathing.

"Good." The Master said, his tone sounded satisfied which meant that she was doing well with their meditation. "As always, just reach out with your feelings Rey. Feel the force within yourself and all around you. Now, what do you see?"

With her mind, she did reach out to the blank space that she saw, and out from this space, the visions began to show themselves. It showed her everything there was to see on this moon, from the individuals living on the other side and to the jedi temple where Ben had brought her a couple of months ago.

The visions showed her the vast land of the mountains of the moon that flourished with life. It was green as far as the eye can see, all living plants and animals that lived in harmony with the force, untouched by the tortures of man, unlike in Jakku where there was only sand and nothing but the graveyard of forgotten imperial ships from a long time ago.

From the life that was striving within the moon, the visions brought her to the old Jedi temple where she was, seeing her fellow young padawans and how they trained and played together inside and outside of the temple. It showed her how old the temple was, how it had stayed nestled in the heart of the mountains for years, watching the padawans train, play and learn the ways of the force, it watched how these younglings grew.

These were what she usually sees whenever she meditates and tries to feel the force around her, wanting to channel her own energy and take control of it like how she is being trained right now. But it seemed like the visions now were bringing her somewhere different, somewhere she had not been even in physical state.

The visions zoomed in closer within the heart of the temple, and she found herself right in front of one of the rooms that were closed off to the younglings, and to her as well. The sun's light doesn’t seem to reach here as it was dark and cold, there was a small light that slightly illuminated the open door, but as one look further, there was nothing but the darkness beyond.

Curiously, this place had never showed up in her visions back in the past, and seeing it now just made her heart thump wildly in excitement, wondering what was behind those dark closed doors that was waiting for her to discover.

Slowly she tried reaching out, wanting to get closer. She took a tentative step towards it, the darkness slowly caving in.

"Rey?" she heard Master Luke, a worried tone in his voice and she realized that she hadn't answered him. Master Luke was just across her, sitting on the other part of the circle in the same manner she was, meditating on his own while he guided her at the same time. She felt the air around herself hung heavy, and heavier it went too.

"I—" she started, unsure of what to tell him. Does she need to tell him of this peculiar place her visions showed her?

But she couldn't seem to tell him, the room beyond the door was somehow distracting her and was beckoning her to come closer, unclear whispers were now coming from the other side. Her brows furrowed as she tried to keep her concentration, keeping herself still, never letting her curiosity get the best out of her.

"Rey?" Her master repeated, this time his voice was firm as if he was trying to wake her up from a dream. She decides to step away from the open door, but when she did, a human figure had materialized from beyond the door, only it's silhouette can be seen with the help of the vague weak light.

She had to leave, she knows that, but there was something about the figure that pulled her towards it. So she stood still, eyes locked on the figure and heart hammering wildly within her chest, not because of excitement, but because of fear.

The figure began to move, taking long slow strides forward and closer towards her. When it emerged from the darkness and allowed the light to illuminate its features, her eyes widened in surprise.

It was a male, tall, dark and clad in black, his eyes were deep and dark under the light, and they stared at her with such an intensity that made her skin crawl with fear. A scowl graced his lips and a hideous scar ran just below his right eye down to his cheek and neck, covered by the lapel of his collar.

She recognized the face. No, she knows who this man is, but at the same time, she knows he wasn't the person she knows. This man was different, it was as if he was the darkness itself. Terrifying and cruel.

Sensing her fear, the man drew out something that was attached to his belt, an item that she barely recognized. The man activated his lightsaber, the scarlet cross blade crackled into life with a loud buzz before it settled into a hum.

Here, she forced herself to take a step backward, wanting to create a distance between her and him.

"Ben." She whispered and forced herself back to reality.

Opening her eyes, she immediately saw the worried look on her master's face, and something in his eyes that made her worry too. She took in a shaky breath, wanting to calm herself down. From her master, her gaze wandered to the door, instantly locking gazes with the man whose name she had just uttered. A wave of relief flooded through her when she saw him in his usual jedi robes, not clad in black, and definitely not wielding a red lightsaber.

She knew what a red lightsaber meant, only the dark siders were the ones who wielded lightsabers with scarlet blades. But Ben wasn't a dark-sider, nor a sith. He was a jedi, wasn't he?

From the corner of her eye, she saw her master follow her gaze, turning his body slightly to look at the newcomer that lingered just by the door.

"Nephew." Master Luke said as he stood to welcome his nephew's arrival, Ben nodded in greeting.

"There is someone waiting for you down at the main hall uncle." he informed. Master Luke's face lightened up as if he was expecting this visitor.

"Well thank you nephew. Rey," Master Luke turned towards her that worried look crossing his face again, making him look older than he really is. "We will talk about what you have seen later after I meet with this visitor of mine." he said which she just nodded in answer.

When the master left the room. she immediately turned her attention to Ben, watching the young man sit across her where the master had been previously sitting, mimicking her seating position as if he was going to meditate as well.

"Any news?" she asked, wanting to divert her attention away from the vision that she just had of him. Ben was good. He was with them in the light side of the force, she repeatedly told herself.

She knows that she didn't need to specify what she was asking, Ben always knew how to answer her. With a sad smile, he shook his head, answering her query.

"I'm afraid we're going to have to be more specific." he started. "The ship I saw in your memory is an old model Coruscant passenger shuttle, and there are hundreds of thousands of that kind of ship scattered in the entire galaxy. If we are going to find your family, we have to get more information about the shuttle. What about the faces of your parents? Did you have a much clearer memory of them yet?"

She shook her head solemnly. With the meditation, it helped her recover some of her memories when she was younger, memories that were even almost impossible for a young child to remember. In her memory, she get glimpses of people talking to her, albeit the conversation was hazy, a result of her not being able to understand words back then. She can remember a woman, with the same brown curls like hers, humming an unfamiliar tone as she stroked her head lovingly, whispering words she knew that meant I love you.

But other than that, she never got to see their faces. She hoped that as she progressed with her meditation, she would finally get a glimpse of what her parents really looked like and she can finally use that as a lead to locate their whereabouts.

"It's all the same thing, no progress for me either." she said, looking down as she kicked her feet out from underneath her, straightening them and feeling the rush of blood course through her asleep legs. When she looked up she found Ben nodding at her. Clearly thinking of another way they can locate her family.

Other than Master Luke, Ben was like a second guardian to her, always there when she needed him, especially those times when she was still new to the temple and the other younglings were still wary of her. She clung to them like she haven't done with any other adult, depending on them for once instead of her own. Of course Ben had always indulged her whenever she wants company, or just someone to talk to since she didn't know anyone in there, and even when she gradually made friends with the other padawans, she still found herself looking for Ben just to tell him how her day had gone, how she had progressed and to ask if there are any leads in their search.

She'd spent her first few weeks training together with Master Luke and Ben, and the rest of her free time was spent exploring the deepest corners of the temple, getting reprimanded once when she tried to hack open one of the control panels of a door that led to one of the rooms that held most of the old artifacts.

It seems that even if she was taken away from Jakku, there is still a part of Jakku within her, always prompting her to go out and explore the depths of the temple, to scour anything salvageable and to repurpose, to tinker with anything that had gears and wires on it. Yep, she was still a scavenger through and through.

"Hey!" She called out, earning a curious stare from his honey-brown eyes. She grinned widely.

"I've been practicing my mind reading trick and I've finally gotten good at it already." She said proudly, almost smugly if she was being honest. Ben raised an eyebrow at her, a taunting look crossing his face.

"Oh? Really?" he leaned forward, bracing his elbows on his legs as he clasped his hands together. "Let’s test it out shall we? Can you guess what's on my mind right now?"

Challenged, she nodded at him and crossed her legs back underneath her once more, bracing her elbows on her legs as she leaned closer just like Ben was in, watching him intently in his eyes.

Just like how she meditate, she relax her body and mind, feeling the force shift through her. When she felt prepared, she reached out into his mind, probing whatever she could see. It was clear that he was blocking her out from his memories, guiding her to the only thought that was in his mind right now, an image of some sort.  

It was her, she noted, looking at herself through Ben's eyes. It was their first encounter back in Jakku, the part where she was walking away as she dragged her sack towards Niima outpost, and just as she remembered it, she was glaring at him that day.

She frowned, pulling away from his mind.

"Do I really look that pathetic back then?" she huffed, irritated how she looked in his mind, She never thought that she looked that pathetic back then, thinking about it now, no wonder the adults back in Jakku always made fun of her and would not take her seriously. With how weak she saw herself, it’s not a surprise that she became a target for that Teedo that day.

Ben shrugged nonchalantly with a teasing smile on his face. "You were a scrawny looking kid back then, and it was funny how you looked at me as if you can take me on and beat me with your old stick."

She glanced at the corner of the room, her eyes landing on the said stick. It was one of the items she brought with her from Jakku, along with that doll she made and some clothes. She couldn't part with the staff, it protected her back in Jakku, and she hopes that it will protect her here and wherever she goes. Besides, Master Luke had said that if the time comes that she's ready to make her own saber, it can be either a sword or a staff, whatever she chooses.

"I can beat you with that 'old' stick you know, I'm better now than I was back in Jakku."

"I'm sure you are, Rey." He said, the silence lasting for a few seconds before they both suddenly laughed, and for a moment there, she forgot about the Ben that she saw in her vision. He can't possibly turn to the dark side right? He was a good person, the person who brought her out of Jakku and gave her a new home. For her, he was her light, her salvation, the one who will bring her back to her family one day. Surely he will never be that person in her vision, right?

* * *

 

She knew the vision meant something, that the dark place was trying to show her something important that she had to find out soon. She knew it had a meaning when it started plaguing her dreams. She had to go back to that place and uncover its mysteries. What if it lead her to her parents? What if it was trying to tell her where they are and who are they?

But as badly as she wanted to go back, she couldn't out of fear that she might encounter the man that looked like Ben.

The days progressed by longer than she wanted, dreading the uneasiness that she felt every single day that she woke up with the vision in her mind, and when she couldn't take it any longer she swallowed her fear and immediately went back to meditating, allowing the vision to bring her back deep within the temple.

This time it was different. The small light that had been there became smaller and could only illuminate the silhouette of the open door, the air hung heavier than she remembered and the voices became louder, albeit she still couldn't understand what they were telling her. She took a quick glance around her, straining her eyes in the dark to see her surroundings, but she never saw anything other than the darkness. When she sensed that there was no presence that lingered with her, she immediately made a dash towards the open door.

—only to slam against a solid glass wall.

She bounced and staggered backwards, eyes shot wide open in shock. There was something covering the door; a glass wall that blocked her out. When she looked closer, the glass began to fog up, creating a white sheet that covered it from top to bottom, outlining the entire door. The voices became fast paced whispers now, urgent and hazy. She leaned closer to the fogged up glass, raising a hand to wipe it clean, curious as to what it was on the other side.

Peering through the gap that she had made, she could make out a figure on the other side of the glass a couple of feet away from where she was, standing just ever so slightly as it stared towards the right side of the room. She backed away slightly in fear that this might be that same man she saw before, but the light had flickered brighter and she saw that it was not him, but the Ben that she knew.

He was standing there, a confused look etched on his face as if he was trying to understand what he was staring at. Curious, she turned her head to her right, wanting to see what Ben was looking at. A few feet across Ben was the same man that she had seen before, looking back at Ben with a hard cold stare and a haunting smile on his lips.

"Ben." She whispered as she watched the vision unfold before her. Ben suddenly jerked his head around as if looking for something that he could not see. He turned towards where she was and for a moment their gazes locked.

"Rey." she heard him whisper, making her doubt if this was a vision or what she's seeing now was really happening. A loud buzz split into the air, a telltale that the other man had already ignited the light saber, crimson light flooding the entire place. Both of Ben's attention and hers had been taken by the other man as he raised the lightsaber high in the air, the crackling sound echoing as it whirred and hummed in the darkness.

Panic rose within her, and instead of fear for her safety, she feared for Ben's, who was just in range of the man's lightsaber.

"Ben! Get out of there!" she yelled as she banged on the glass a few times, hard enough to create small cracks on it.

"Rey!" Master Luke's voice bellowed and within seconds she was dragged back to reality, being shaken roughly by her master to get her attention.

"Ben!" She blurted out loud, sitting up and panting hard as she realized that it was hard to breathe. When she looked up to her master, she saw how horror-stricken he was, his blue eyes filled with terror as they looked at her.

"What do you think you're doing?!" he hissed at her, shaking her again before he let go of his hold on her shoulders and letting her stagger backwards. She didnt know why but her body felt heavy, her hands hurt and her eyes won’t stop shedding tears.

"You just went straight into the dark!" Master Luke said in disbelief, taking a step back away from her. She shook her head, confused as to what her master had just said.

"I—I had to look," she started, her sentence cut off in short breaths. "I thought... But then I saw—"

But Master Luke was already shaking his head as he walked away from her.

"You're just like—" he said before cutting himself off, shaking his head.

"Just…" he left the word hanging before he left the room.

Alone, she stood up and grabbed her staff, now noticing how rocks had scattered all around the once clean meditation room and a large gaping crack had split the room into two.

 _'Rey.'_ she heard Ben's voice earning her attention. She turned around to look at him, only to find herself alone in the room, nor there was anyone standing outside the door.

"What—" she whispered turning around the empty room before bolting out the corridor, thinking that he was just outside, but like the room, it was empty.

She strained her ears, listening intently in case Ben spoke up. But silence continued to stretch out making her think that hearing Ben's voice was just a figment of her imagination. Knowing that she had touched something that she wasn't supposed to know, she faced the other direction where Master Luke had disappeared and began running, intending to find where Ben was. She needed answers, she thought that viewing the vision would give her answers, but instead it left her with more questions.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just editing the last few chaps and then I'm done and will post them eventually :P
> 
> For now, I'll post this first and the first chapter of a new story later on; one that I will be slowly working on :P

**_"Ben"_**

* * *

_Weren't you the queen and I, your king_

_You were the princess I'd always saved_

* * *

**-28 ABY-**

Everything was fine back when he was younger. He was in a way… normal. He used to play with the other kids of his as if he wasn't the son of the famous Han Solo and Princess Leia Organa. They treated him like he was their equal; playing chase as they tumble through the back fields, hiding from each other in a game of seek and he'd always come home to his parents wide-grinned, mud-covered and energy spent. Everything and everyone around him was happy.

That is until he had started to manifest his powers in the force. At first his friends were awed with him as he lifted and moved things with his mind, asking him to perform tricks again and again whenever they were outside, and he even uses it as an advantage whenever they were playing.

But it was short lived.

When news of his powers manifesting had spread out, he found more of his friends straying, avoiding him in awkward silence and some had even disappeared without a word; their families taking them out of the planet, away from him. Then one day he found himself alone in his room with no one to play with.

Alone, that was when he had begun to hear that voice at the back of his mind.

At first it was a hazy murmur that tried to nudge his mind open. He was hesitant to let it in at first, but curiosity got the best of him and before he knew it, the voice became a clear whisper and it had started to tell him things, told him stories of greatness and power and how he could easily achieve all of those.  He listened at first, awed by the stories the voice would tell him, but then the effects of his powers had begun to show; huge cracks on the land, stronger tremors and so on and so forth.

He knew about his family's history. Even when his parents were famous rebellion leaders and his uncle was a legend, it still didn't hide the fact that he was the grandson of Anakin Skywalker, the renowned Darth Vader. People looked at him as if he wasn’t a kid, they looked at him as if they were waiting for the moment when he finally succumbs to the dark side and repeats history.

He reached for his parents, wanting their comfort from the loneliness that he felt, but then his own parents became distant; his mom busied herself with senate work while his father, had been away for trips longer than usual. Sometimes, when he p0ressed his ear against the wall of his room to the other side where his parents room were, he can vaguely hear the sounds of his mother's repressed sobs, with Han nowhere to be found.

His parents were afraid of him, he knew that. They were afraid of his own power and how it was slowly tearing their family apart. The voice consoled him and told him that he would only master it quickly if he was to join the dark side.

Training with his uncle had helped tremendously at first; meditating, learning through lectures and actual combat, he finally had a grip to his own power. It drowned out the voice within his mind and the slimy darkness that slowly inched its way in his mind. But they were never really gone, just silent.

He had hoped that when he began mastering his own power he could return to his parents, to finally see them happy and proud of him again. But even when he had reached the apprentice status, they were still nowhere to be found, his mother still driven to death by her work and his father—He never came back.

And that was when the darkness and the voice resurfaced, weeks prior from when he had taken Rey out from Jakku, and until now they still pestered him, coaxing him to the dark side and promising him power beyond his wildest imagination by showing it in his visions.

Ben opened his eyes, immediately taking in the place where his vision had brought him.

This time it was unfamiliar.

The landscape and terrain of the planet told him that it was a planet covered in snow and ice. He watched as tiny flakes of snow drifted down from the grey skies and unto the plant-barren ground and created a thin white sheet on top of the corpses that lay beneath his feet.

Behind him were five other presences that loomed closely to him, their force signatures dripped with bloodlust and violence, the darkness festering within them. His eyes wandered to the corpses around him, and then down at the black robes that he wore, the black hilt of the cross blade saber hung heavy on his gloved hand as thin lines of electricity crackled against the bright scarlet blade. If he had a mask he knew he would look just like Darth Vader. He could be just like his grandfather, his mind told him.

At a young age, he found himself immersed and awed at the stories about his grandfather, granted it might not be the best hero story there ever was being Darth Vader. A fallen one from the light side of the force, but in the end he was the one who had brought balance to the galaxy—according to his uncle.

But that was not the reason why he admired is grandfather.

In his eyes, his grandfather was bold, fearless and strong. He didn’t need anyone in his life but himself as he ran and made the empire great, he grew to admire how his grandfather progressed from a being slave in Tatooine to a great sith that ruled the empire. It was not an easy feat, but somehow his grandfather had achieved all of it because he was powerful and everyone in the galaxy feared him and admired him all at the same time.

He often found himself wondering at random times; what if his grandfather was still alive, would they be close. Maybe he could help him ease this pain that he had and chase away the feeling of abandonment. It had always felt like he was all alone, even when his parents and uncle said that they supported and loved him. Maybe if his grandfather was alive, he could sympathize with him, maybe the both of them would bond and become close.

But then again, even if Darth Vader had lived, there was no guarantee that his mother would let him anywhere close to the man—redeemed or not, albeit it won’t stop him from admiring his grandfather.

 _'They don't understand the potential of your power.'_ There was that voice again, cooing inside his mind as he turned his head sideways to see the five other people wearing almost the same black robes as him.  He knew them. They were the other padawans in the temple, darkness festering inside of them as a result of the voice's constant coaxing and temptation. All of them were wielding their own weapons; the light from the scarlet blade of his weapon was strong enough to illuminate a red hazy glow on the snow laden ground.

He turned his body around and his gaze immediately caught sight of the group of people; a group of locals basing on their attire and garment, all who had their weapons raised and aimed at him. There were others that were far behind the group, running as far away as possible.

His body moved on its own, turned and march closer the group.

_'They sent you away, abandoned you in times when you needed their support. Your own parents even feared you!'_

True. They each had their own lives to live and he existing was somewhat a burden to them, especially when he had begun to manifest his power.

' _I can help take the pain away and make it all better.'_

He leaned to his right, barely missing the blaster shot from one of the men. The rush and thrill was enough to shake him to the bone. He felt unstoppable; for once he had allowed his dark side to take control of himself.

_'The Jedi code is a lie. There is no balance; it has always been either light or dark, each one dominating the other. Let go and become my apprentice. You will be able to achieve great things, just like your grandfather did before you.'_

_Great things_. His mind echoed. His dark eyes loomed over the men that he had started to force choke, a phantom hand on each of their necks as he slowly applied pressure on them, their eyes rolling up to the back of their heads while they gagged and tried to force air into their lungs to no avail. He then raised the light saber above his head, preparing to strike, his victims never knowing what will happen. A heartbeat passed and he immediately brought the weapon down, slashing through his victims in one quick slash across their torso.

* * *

When he opened his eyes, he knew that his uncle was with him inside his hut, just a few feet away behind him. It was easy to detect his presence, especially when he was oozing with pure fear and resolve, but what baffled him was the green light that illuminated his room, drowning the weak light from his lamp. His heart pounded hard against his chest as he craned his head back to look at his uncle.

The sight felt like he had been splashed with cold water. There behind him was his uncle, his green light saber activated and raised high ready for a strike. The look he saw on his uncle's face was enough to tell him that he had come to kill him.

All the things that the voice had told him came back to him all at once. The voice was right all along. He didn’t belong here; he wasn’t fit to be in the light side of the force. Everyone never liked him, his own parents didn’t want him and even his own uncle was about to murder him.

Immediately all the pent up anger and hatred he had buried deep within him burst out and all he could see was red.

"Ben, no!" his uncle screamed, but he had already grasped his own light saber and strike it against his uncle's. With his uncle distracted, he took the chance and reached out with the force, sharply tugging at the foundation of the hut and allowing the walls to collapse on top of him and his uncle.

It took him a minute to emerge from the rubble of the collapsed hut, barely feeling the dull throb of pain from where the rubble had hit him. Outside, the other four knights stood watching him, their weapons in their hands as they waited for him to come out.

 _'Destroy the New Jedi order! They will only hinder you and one day will be your demise, kill all of the padawans now and make sure that no one will come your way and stop you.'_  The voice—his new master—ordered, which he obediently complied. With the four other knights, he marched his way towards the temple, never looking back to his collapsed hut in confidence that his uncle was already done for.

They approached the padawan's quarters; the only sound that could be heard was the soft pitter patter of their boots on the cold slate. In the dimly lighted hall, they each chose a room for themselves, watching the younglings sleeping peacefully. As if feeling his presence, one of them woke up, groggily sitting up and squint her eyes to get a better look at him in the dim light.

"Master?" she murmured as she rubbed the sleep off her eyes and sat up straight. Her roommates beside her began to stir awake as well.

His mind raced back to the story of how his grandfather had killed off younglings back in the day. To make sure that the Jedi were gone and that the empire will rule. Now he was about to commit the same act that his grandfather had done before him. He will become his grandfather; Powerful and complete.  
   
The youngling's eyes widened when he activated his light saber, the fear slowly creeping into her. Without a word, he striked. A high pitch scream from her roommates echoed throughout the room and out into the halls. It wasn’t very long when screams were heard in the other padawan's rooms and pretty soon he felt the presence of the other padawans waking up from their hazy dreams, alert and scared.

As expected, the other older ones had come running out of their rooms to inspect the commotion.  They barged in the room to find him stabbing his saber through the last padawan that was in the room, the two others already lifeless on the floor.

Hums of light sabers whirred in the air as the older ones activated their weapons and attacked him which he met with the same vigor.

Everything from that point passed by as a blur to him, he couldn’t control himself as he let his rage control his body, slashing every single one of them when they tried to fight or ran away from him.

All of them were useless. Pathetic. Weak.

At some point of the massacre, half of the temple was already on fire, burning the corpses of the padawans that he had just killed. It was probably caused by the other knights or was an accident caused by a turned over lamp, either way he didn’t care. He just continued hacking his way, slashing every padawan that he saw.

One by one the remaining padawans fell down cold on the earth, their last breath mingling in the smoky air. He felt the presence of one of the padawans cowering and hiding in a room at the far end of the hall. For a moment he froze, feeling the familiar presence.

 _'Go on my boy. Finish the every last one of them and come to me.'_ his new master cooed at the back of his mind, which he immediately dismissed with a shake of his head when he finally figured out who was in that room.

Rey.

Tentatively he walked into the room to find her in a corner, her hands tightly gripping on her quarterstaff, aiming it at him with tears in her eyes. Fear and confusion mixing across her face.

"Rey." He called, stepping forward. As if stunned, she gasped and stepped back, her back hitting the wall behind her. She was trapped. He took another step forward, not wanting to scare her too much, which would have been easier if he wasn’t carrying an activated light saber that hummed in his hand.

This was Rey. The child that he had picked up from Jakku and had promised to look for her family. The only person who clung and looked up to him with awed wide brown eyes. For her, he was family, him and the other padawans that he had just killed. He had to kill her too, but he knew he couldn't.

He froze as the thought hit him. He can't kill Rey. She was—different. Even with the ten year gap between them, she understood him better than anyone else. She knew of his differences, how the visions plagued him and what the voice had whispered to him. But she was only a child, she may know what it felt like to be abandoned and be alone, but she would never know what it felt like to be torn apart by the conflict he felt within him.

"Why?" she croaked as he came back from his thoughts, her voice breaking between sobs and hiccups. How he wished he didn’t have to explain himself to her, how he could just easily show her that his destiny was not here in the temple but somewhere else. He can imagine himself ruling the galaxy, powerful and feared by all.

He raised his light saber, ready to strike her down. Rey raised her quarterstaff higher, ready to defend her life if she had to. He had to kill her; she had potential to become much more powerful than him, a potential enemy to him when the time comes. He found the idea of killing her repulsive as well. For a brief moment, he wasn’t blinded by his anger anymore. An idea formed inside his mind.

He didn’t have to kill her.

She could join him.

She could become his apprentice when the time comes.

He turned the light saber off, kneeling down on one knee to meet her level. Staring at her closely, he could see how she was shaking. It reminded him of the time he found her in Jakku, how fearless she was back then. She had trusted him, especially when he had promised her that he will help her find her family.

"Rey, come with me." he said instead of answering her. Yes, if he had convinced her to come with him back then, surely he can convince her now.

But just like she had done back then, she shook her head. Refusing him.

"You just killed everyone Ben. What's gotten into you?" she instead hurtled out at him, her quarterstaff shaking. "Is it because of that voice? And that vision? You could've just ignored them! This is not you Ben!"

He rose to his feet. "You don’t understand Rey. I don’t belong here." He answered back to her, his eyes narrowing menacingly. He didn’t want to kill her, but she didn’t want to join him either. He didn’t have any other choice but this.

"Don't do this Ben—"

"Run." he cut her off, her eyes blinking unbelievably at him.

"What?"

"I said run!" He bellowed before he threw the now activated light saber across the room and right into the wall a few feet away from where Rey stood, creating a hole big enough for her to pass through.

He couldn’t kill her. Ironically, he had killed almost all of the padawans in the temple but he couldn’t kill Rey, and was even letting her escape and make a run for her life.

When she just stood there frozen in place and owl-eyed, he irately moved forward, harshly pulling her close to him.

"I said: Run." he hissed at her. She blinked rapidly as she came out of her daze and he let go, allowing her slip her small body out of the hole and ran out to the woods outside of the temple.

Grabbing hold of his light saber from the floor using the force, He turned his attention away from the running girl and back into the burning temple, hell bent on finishing the task he began.

Moments later he emerged from the burning temple with the other knights. Their work done and he had proven himself to his new master that he was worthy to become an apprentice to him. There was no going back now; he had accepted his fate as he embraced the dark side.

He and the others boarded one of the transports, preparing themselves for a flight to where their new master will be waiting for them.  The ship hummed to life, its controls beeping in sync with the activating flight system. One of the knights decided to take control of the transport and sat on the pilot's seat.

While the ship angled itself towards the direction of the coordinates that his master had told him, he glanced down at the burning temple, watching it crumbling down to nothing but ash. A movement from the corner of his eye caught his attention and when he looked down, he met Rey's gaze, staring at him from down below.

The ship's humming engine was loud and the metal walls kept sound out. He could see her lips shouting his name but he could not hear her voice.

 _'Ben!'_ came her voice at the back of his head, but as instantaneously had it appeared, he quickly shoved it aside. He didn’t want to hear her voice. He had made his choice.

As the ship began its climb up the planet’s atmosphere, he saw Rey ran after the shuttle, all the while screaming his name, tears falling from her eyes.

He pulled his gaze away from the window and pinned his attention to the glass window. He won’t allow himself to look at her again. He won’t be weak anymore, he will be far away from her and she will remain here forever in the grave of the Jedi order. He told that to himself as the ship broke out from the atmosphere and jumped into light speed towards his new master.


	4. Chapter 4

**_Part 2- Difference_ **

**_"Rey"_ **

* * *

  _But now, a lot has happened and changed_

_But this feelings stay the same as back then_

* * *

  **-34 ABY-**

She sat up straight with a gasp, her right hand flying up her head to push back the brown tangled knots of her hair away from her face. Her breaths came in short gasps and fast, her chest heaving hard as she tried to calm her pounding heart. Beads of sweat had already trickled their way down from her forehead and onto her top, drenching the fabric till it clung to her skin. She groaned as the image of her surroundings swam before her. Shutting her eyes tight, she dug the heels of her hands over them to dull the throbbing pain that bloomed at the back of her eyelids, wishing that she could chase away the remnants of the dream that still lingered at the back of her mind.

No. It was no dream. It was a memory; a memory from long ago. One that she had tried so hard to forget. But no matter how hard she tried to bury them, she couldn't. The memory was too vivid, too clear as if they had happened yesterday and not years ago. She could still remember the other padawans' screams echoing in the night and how they were easily silenced by one single blade that glimmered in a bright blue color.

She could still see how Ben stood at the doorway of her room, his eyes cold and murderous. Gone away was the Ben that she knew, this man was entirely different, he was the same one that she had seen in her vision years ago.

When he had ordered her to run, her instincts that she had developed during her time in Jakku had taken over her, forcing her body to obey and run. She had covered a good mile when she finally gained control over her head and stopped right in the middle of the woods. The screaming stopped, never reaching where she had stopped and the only sounds that she could hear was the rustle of the trees against the wind.

Then the hum of shuttle boomed overhead. She looked up and saw that particular shuttle zooming over her as it began its climb towards the planet's atmosphere.

The pull of the force on the presence in that shuttle tugged on her and it only took the briefest of moments for her to recognize who was inside. Her eyes widened and her heart sank. Before she could control herself, her body had started to sprint again, chasing the shuttle as it made its way up the night sky.

 _'Ben!'_ She had called out with her mind. It felt like she was being abandoned again, left to be alone forever. Albeit this time, it was not in a desert planet, just a deserted one.

She stopped running when the shuttle blinked out of the night sky in hyperjump, knowing that running would cost her nothing but her strength. At this point, her rational mind had ordered her to go back to the burning temple to help anyone who had hopefully survived. She discovered Master Luke amongst the rubble of fallen huts, alive and well aside from wounds and bruises. Before could she even try to speak to him, he had already grabbed her by the shoulders and harshly dragged her away from the burning temple, towards the row of shuttles that had been parked for their travel uses. The same model that Ben had just used to jump into hyperspace minutes ago.

"You need to get out of here Rey! As far away as possible!" Master Luke had hissed as he shoved her in one of the shuttles.

She didn't have to ask him what he meant by those words that he had just said, the answer was almost immediate; she had to get away from the planet and hide, just in case that Ben changes his mind and turn his ship around just to finish her off. As her ship ascended the fire lit sky, she carefully calculated where she would go, where could she possible hide from Ben, but came up blank. Wherever she hid in the galaxy, he was sure to find her eventually. The connection between them and the force was strong. Stronger than she could imagine. With nothing else in mind, and no other place she could think of, she typed in the console of the coordinates of the one and only place that she could go; to the only place she knows where she can survive even with its stuck up inhabitants and deadly environment.

She went back to Jakku.

Her heart rate and breathing evened out eventually, finally allowing her body to relax and release the pent up tension from the memory. She allowed herself to fall back onto the lumpy mattress and hard pillow that she had, relieved that the memory had finally tuned down to nothing more but an afterthought.

Blowing out a shaky breath, she dragged her hands away from her face and opened her eyes to the dark ceiling of her room filled with scratches and dust, a couple of small reptilian life forms scampered across the wall as they chased one another.

 _'It was just a dream. Just a dream.'_ she repeated the words in her mind like a chant, wanting to convince herself that it was nothing more but a dream. That everything that had happened to her; from the time that Ben took her from Jakku to train, to the massacre of her friends—She all dismissed them as dreams that her young mind had conjured up.

She pretended that she hadn’t left Jakku at all. Sold the shuttle that she had used immediately after she had arrived, ignoring the suspicious and curious looks that the other scavengers threw at her. The robes that she had worn during her trip was shredded down to tiny pieces by her own hands and had been used to stuff the mattress that she herself has sewn long ago. She even stopped meditating and force training, not entirely blocking the force itself but concentrating on improving her skills in combat, a skill that she needed to protect herself here in Jakku.

But even with the physical evidence gone, the dreams still haunted her, making it hard for her to forget and harder to pretend.

Slowly, the light of Jakku's sun rose from the eastern horizon, illuminating her house made from the belly of an AT-AT; the place where she had lived years ago. Its warmth chasing away the numbing cold of the evening desert. As she lay on the lumpy mattress, she watched as the light from the sun had slowly crawled across the sandy floor of Jakku towards the huge opening at the side of the walker that was considered the entrance of her home. She knew she had to rise sooner or later before the sun could get high up in the sky and start to burn the sand, but she couldn't.

On days like these, when her past would haunt her, she couldn't concentrate on scavenging with her mind floating around the memory of Ben's betrayal. All she wanted to do was to curl up in her bed and sleep the entire day, and she was tempted to do exactly that when she flipped to her side and curled up. But the growling in her stomach had disagreed at the idea.

Sighing, she reluctantly sat up and swung her legs down, flinching slightly as her skin touched the cold metal floor as she wobble at the sudden rush of blood up her head, making everything around her spin for a couple of seconds.

After finally gaining her bearings, she stood up and marched her way towards the impromptu living quarter where most of the things she needed are located as she tugged on her ruffled hair and quickly pulling them into the three bun style that she had gotten used to do. She grabbed a full canteen and her staff while wrapping her turban around her head, before setting her goggles over her eyes.

With the sun already out from underneath the horizon, she sauntered out to the desert and quickly hopped onto her speeder. Kicking the engines to life, she thanked the maker that they didn't sputter and died on her like it did the other day.

Other than the speeder, there was nothing new that happened to her when she came back to Jakku. It was still the old same planet where she had to scavenge just to eat, the same old Niima outpost where Unkar Plutt was still terrorizing her fellow scavengers. Jakku never changed in the years that she was gone, and no one even batted an eyelid when they realized that she was gone.

Other than that, nobody came to look for her, not even her family.

She pushed the thought away from her mind and buried it along with the memory of her deceased friends as the ship graveyard came into view from the horizon. For now, she had to concentrate on her work, to keep herself fed and to keep herself alive. Maybe one day, things would change and her family will come back to get her.

She hoped as her speeder sped its way through the salt flats of Jakku.

* * *

She scrubbed the grime off of the power coupler that she had salvaged from an old TIE fighter she had discovered nestled in the hangars of one of the imperial starships. It stroke her as luck when she had found it completely untouched, albeit destroyed and falling apart, but still untouched. There were a couple parts that she couldn't salvage nor use for trade, but there were still some that she had to go back the next day with a heavy duty metal cutter to easily take it apart.

Huffing, she raised the item up for inspection, making sure that it was at least presentable when she traded it off with Plutt, she had to hurry up before twilight emerged over the horizon, it wasn't that safe in the morning in Jakku, it surely wasn't in the evening. When she deemed it passable, she quickly and carefully shoved it in her sling bag before marching towards the trading booth. As she approached the booth, she slipped a glance at the side to where a shuttle was nestled in between a quadjumper and a land speeder—the same shuttle that she had sold to Unkar Plutt years ago, two Twi'leks were admiring the ship as if intending to purchase it., no matter how outdated it was.

She could remember Unkar Plutt's questioning look when she had sold the shuttle to him for a good price; portions that fed her for months. She ignored his silent question as to where she had gotten a ship like that. But after giving her, her payment, he shrugged off the look. She knew him, he won't ask questions as long as he was making a fair trade. Here in Jakku, it was finders keepers, steal or scavenge.

As she stood in line, she tried to block out the noise around her by imagining that they were merely a hum in the background. But the chatter of the two Abednedos in front of her was enough to pique her curiosity, and at the mention of 'first order' and 'the knights of Ren' her stomach coiled.

 _'Ben'_ her mind whispered as the memories of the jedi temple came back to her.

The line moved forward, snapping her out of her dazed thoughts. She took a tentative step forwards, eyes pinned on the booth ahead of her.

She forced her thoughts away, tucking them at the back of her head like she had grown used to do. That was it, she could never mourn for them properly, given that they were in another planet thousands of parsecs away from where she was now. She could only hope that her master had given them a proper burial if some of them had not completely disintegrated to ashes after the fire.

She stared blankly ahead, completely ignoring the Abednedos and their gossip and waited for her turn to barter with the Crolute who had given her two portions for the power coupler. After making the trade she immediately made her way towards her speeder, kicking the engines to life only for it to stall for a few seconds. She gave it another kick before it roared to life, in a matter of seconds, she was speeding through the salt flats again.

It didn't take long before her speeder slowed down when she was in the premises of her home, sliding the speeder to a stop just outside of her house. She hopped off her speeder and immediately went inside her home, dumping all of her belongings where she got them—except for the packets that she got from Unkar. She walked straight right in to the makeshift kitchen to prepare her dinner. It wasn't like the food she had eaten back in the temple, but she had grown accustomed to its taste no matter how bland it was.

As usual, she ate her food just outside her home as she watched the first stars twinkle in the velvety lavender sky.

 _'The First Order'_ she grimly thought as she stared at the vast dunes ahead of her, biting hard on the loaf she held on one hand.

It started a few years back, she had heard of the whispers of a new power that intended to rule the galaxy, It was an organization that called themselves 'The First Order' She ignored it at first, thinking that it was just another war freak nut job that wanted to revive the empire.

Even if war broke out, it wouldn't come here in Jakku. Nobody ever comes to Jakku, just the occasional smuggler and those who were in the scavenging and junk trade. Jakku was never fit to become a warzone, granted it was a battleground three decades ago, but people learn from experience and they knew better to camp out here in this backwater world. Here in Jakku, the only fights that would break out are between scavengers, fighting over a good scrap of junk.

But the whispers grew into rumors; about how within the First order, there was an elite group called 'The Knights of Ren' leaded by the apprentice of the so called Supreme leader.

Kylo Ren—A man that was clad in black from head to toe, wearing a mask that hid not only his face but also his voice. The man had killed many together with the other Knights of Ren—wielding a cross guard light saber.

That was Ben. She thought grimly as she finished off her food, licking the plate clean. There was no doubt about it. The description many individuals had reported about him fits the description of the man she had seen in her vision.

Her chest throbbed as she tried to gulp down her heart that jumped up her throat, forcing herself not to think about the memories. It was a wound that would never heal, and it still hurts like hell.

When she had found out about it, she began to live cautiously, thinking that one of these days he will come to Jakku to finish what he had not done back in the jedi temple. But time passed and there was no sign of any of the First Order troops in Jakku.

If she was honest, she could feel him through the force at times. Especially when the memories plagued her at night. No matter how far he was, she could feel him; can sense his anger and frustration at some points and there were times when she senses the loneliness in his heart and the struggle of light and dark within him. Surely this wasn't the end of Ben solo. That no matter how foolish of a dream it was, she knew that Ben can be brought back, he wasn’t entirely evil. If he was, then why did he spare her? To order her to run away from him.

Well it was easy to imagine him coming back to the light side of the force when she wasn't at the receiving end of his lightsaber and rage.

She stood up and turned around, shuffling the sand underneath her feet. She took a step forward when she had fully turned only for her to freeze and fall onto the cooling sands, a hand flying up to stifle the gasp that almost escaped her lips, eyes staring at what caught her off-guard.

By the entrance of her home stood Ben Solo. Clad in black from head to toe; from his regal knight robes, his boots and his leathered gloves, they all blended so well with his raven hair that had grown longer, the only skin that she would see on him was that on his face, porcelain and ghostly white against his dark ensemble.

No, this was not Ben Solo. This was Kylo Ren, She thought bitterly as her gaze fell on the hilt of the black crossblade lightsaber that hung coldly on his belt.

The man was staring at his fist, seemingly in deep thought. Noticing how his body shimmered like a ghost, she frowned and pulled her hand away from her mouth. He was not real.

This was just one of those times where the force connected her to him.

Sometimes, whenever the pull was too strong, she could not only feel what he felt, she could also see what he saw and hear what he said; and at the rarest of times when it was really strong, she would see his almost transparent visage. She could see him, but she could never see his surroundings nor he could see her.

But never did it happen that he was almost as clear as the real thing, for a second there, she thought that he had found her and had come here in Jakku to finish her off. His body shimmered for a few seconds, her breath held within her lungs.

These kind of things weren't always one way. He couldn't see her now, but for sure, one of these days, he will definitely see her through this connection. Her stomach dropped at the thought, but had made her heart flutter stupidly. She stood still for a few more moments before his image dissipated in the wind. A sigh of relief was released from her and she promptly stood up, dusting the sand off her clothes.

She didn't know why but she felt a bad omen about the incident, something that gnawed at the back of her mind telling her that something big was coming that was either going to be good for her or bad, and her instincts told her that it was the latter.

Still dusting of the remaining sand that clung to her pants, she strode back inside with her empty plate in hand. Walking pass the threshold, she caught a glance of the semi-malleable wall at the far left of the room, a wall that was full of thousands of scratches that marked her day here in Jakku. A proof of her faithful vigil for her family. It only reminded her of how pathetically hopeful she was. How she still hoped that her parents would come back for her and how she hoped that she could still bring back Ben from the dark side.

Reaching behind her, she yanked the ties off her hair and released it from the triple buns that she sported, shaking her head to release more of the tangles. She grabbed her staff and wounded the ties on it to make sure that they weren't lost the next day. She gave the lumpy pillow a few punches to soften it up a bit before dumping herself onto it and the mattress. A soft 'oof' escaped her lips when she still felt the hardness of the pillow, sighing as she stared at the ceiling of her dark room, watching how every day it remained similar.

She closed her eyes and pulled her arms to her chest as she curled to the side, trying to keep herself warm. Silently wishing that she shouldn't have destroyed the robes she had back then, maybe by now she had a blanket that would keep her warm during cold nights like this. The thought dissipated in her mind as she slowly allowed herself to be pulled into the vast void of a dreamless sleep, the last thing that she remembers was that she had that fleeting feeling of Ben's presence really, really close by, as if he was just looming above her and watching her sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

**_"Kylo"_**

* * *

 

_Knocking on your door first thing in the morning_

_I wish we could go back to the way we were before_

* * *

 

  
He could see her.

He could see her every move; what she does and what she says, albeit it was only her and not her surroundings. Even when she looked like an apparition of a ghost with her image shimmering and sometimes too transparent to see, he knew that she was real. Real but untouchable; as he had once experimented to see if he could grab her, only for his hand to go through her arm.

_A ghost indeed._

She was a constant reminder to him that he was weak, that for a moment back in his past, he was compassionate and had allowed one of the padawans to live and roam free.

A weakness that his master saw in him and thus made him unable to finish his training and fully become a sith like his grandfather.

But she wasn't a Jedi, she never finished her training as he did.

Rey stirred in her sleep, flipping her body from one side to the other and was now fully facing him. Through this strange connection, he had watched her grow from that snotty brat that he had picked up, to a woman at the brink of blooming. A desert flower as he had called her back then. Funny, he took her out of Jakku so she could live a better life in the temple, and when he destroyed said temple, he left her in Yavin 4 where it was much more inhabitable with all of the flora and fauna that she could use to survive. She even had shuttles and thousands of planets to choose from, but instead she chose Jakku; chose the life of a scavenger, back to the pathetic life that she had before he had met her.

Of course, he thought bleakly as he remembered the reason of her choice. He leaned back on his chair as he ran a gloved hand through his dark hair, his helmet by his side. Of course the girl would choose Jakku, she was still hoping that her family would still come back to her, even after all this years of waiting. She was stubborn and tenacious, her will never breaking, and he admired that on her since she was still a kid. But she was too damn hopeful that it made her look like a fool.

The girl shivered in her sleep and curled up into a tighter fetal position, her face scrunching up at the discomfort she felt. He watched her image shimmer slightly. If he could see her this clearly now instead of a ghost like apparition then maybe...

He stood up, careful not to make a sound as he drew closer to her sleeping form, a move that was not necessary since she wouldn't be able to hear him, but with this experiment, he had to do it just in case. When she neither moved nor stirred awake, he bent a leg down and knelt for him to easily reach her. He tentatively reached out a gloved hand towards her, hovering just above her face, inches away from her right cheek. Her eyes fluttered open, revealing those familiar hazel eyes that he had not seen up close for so long. He froze, his hand hovering over her skin, almost touching. He held his breath, expecting any moment now for those hazel eyes to widen in sheer terror at seeing him. But it didn't happen. Her stare was blank, dazed and they stared right through him.

Then the connection snapped and in an instant, before could he even test out if he could touch her, she was gone.

"Sir, we've located the pilot and the trooper that escaped in the TIE fighter." Buzzed a message from one of his comlink, breaking whatever spell he was in and brought him back to reality. "We tracked their ship back to Jakku, seems like they had crash landed due to the damages they had gotten during their escape. The nearest post that they could possibly have gone to base on the location of their ship is Niima Outpost. We've already deployed troops to start a ground search for the escapees."

His mouth pressed into a flat line. This was too much of a coincidence for it to happen. Sure the stolen TIE fighter was damaged, but it was no accidental crash land, they really intended to land near Niima.

"Prepare my ship" He barked back to the person on the other line, ending the transmission. He stood to his feet, summoning his helmet from the chair where he had left it and donning it as he strode his way out of his chambers, marching his way through the halls, every trooper that met him froze in attention and made his pathway wider than necessary. He smiled behind the helmet, admiring how everyone he encountered froze up in respect and fear of him.

Upon arriving at the hangar, he immediately boarded his own special TIE fighter, never having the patience to wait for the other batch of troopers to follow him. His shuttle hummed to life as he quickly maneuvered the craft out of the finalizer and down to the brown planet below, descending on the night side of it.

The darkness of space gave way to the darkness of the night as he broke into the planet's atmosphere, his shuttle entering planetfall. The downed AT-AT walker was visible on his ship's sensory instruments, as well as the shuttle that followed closely behind him; both massive shuttles zooming towards one certain goal in the dry desert air.

Hovering above Rey's home, he could see three small dots outside that grew into human figures as his ship slowly made its descent. It was her; talking with the two escapees; A resistance pilot—and a stormtrooper that went against the behavioral code. All of them casting wary glances at his descending ship, unsure whether to run or to hide.

In a matter of seconds, he felt the shuttle land on the cool uneven sands of Jakku, just a few meters away from the AT-AT walker. He wasted no time and immediately marched out when the bay docks hissed open to him. The force hung heavy with emotions; fear particularly from the traitorous storm trooper; caution and awareness from the pilot and from her—it was a flurry that he couldn't discern whether she was angry for what he had done years ago or sad that at the end of the day she would have no choice but to fight him.

With a scowl, he pushed away the thoughts of invading her mind in search of an answer, saving it for later when he would interrogate her.

He was heartless. He told himself. He never cared for other people's thoughts. He cared for no one but himself, and now he had one goal in mind and it involved all three of them captive; the prosecution of a traitor, the location of the resistance base and the location of his uncle's hiding place.

He was not like Snoke who sat around ordering people around to get what he wanted. No, Kylo Ren was different, he was never satisfied with what other people gave him, if he wanted something done, he'd rather do it himself. Too bad that because of the Snoke's unmoving presence in his own ship, it caused him his demise.

He couldn't suppress a sadistic smile that crept to his lips a certain memory.

As he approached the trio, the resistance pilot had already pulled out a blaster—probably taken from the stolen TIE fighter—and pulled the trigger, sending a laser shot right at him. Before the said projectile could even touch him, he immediately put the shot to a stop using the force, hovering just a feet away from his gloved hand. Distracted, the trio chose this chance to make a run for it, with Rey glancing back at him, as if she was hesitating to run.

He savagely threw the blaster shot to the side, not caring whether he had hit something crucial. All of his thoughts were directed to the capture of these three, especially Rey. He immediately took off after them after disposing of the blaster shot, his feet kicking off the sand high in the air. The stormtroopers were already behind him, making their own pursuit, some had even had the audacity to fire their blasters while he was still within their range.

Shots from the pilot flew back.

Reaching with his mind, he held out his free hand towards Rey, the force inching towards her in a frantic speed till he got a hold of her mind and quickly suppressed her control over her body movements. At that same moment, Rey had stopped running, as if frozen in place with both arms stiff on her sides.  
  
In the darkness of the night, with nothing but blaster shots and the full moon up above to illuminate the surroundings, he could see her pretty face all twisted up in a scowl as she tried to move her body to no avail. The two other men had stopped running as well, looking confusedly back at Rey as to why she had stopped. When their gazes fell unto him, he saw clarity on their faces before the horror descended.

Blasters continued to fire towards their direction. He watched how the pilot seemed to know that Rey was a priority and began running back towards her, using his body as her shield from the blaster shots that miraculously never hit any of them; the trooper on the other hand didn't look brave enough to do anything chivalrous, instead he looked torn between running away or pulling the pilot by the collar just to drag him away.

Apparently FN-2187 chose the latter and pulled the pilot away from Rey, giving him the perfect opportunity to summon her body closer to him. With another tug on the force, this sent her body floating towards him, with her still trying to resist his hold and stopping just a feet away from him.

"Rey" he whispered, his voice masked by the voice changing mechanism on his helmet. She stopped resisting for a moment, her wide hazel brown eyes dripped with fear as they stared back at him, unsure where to look with his mask on, her brown hair was tousled back, free from the three bun style that she had always worn. It was obvious from her appearance and lack of preparation that the two men had roused her from her sleep when they had arrived, intending to leave the planet as soon as possible knowing that the First order was tailing them close behind. But at least she still had the thought of bringing her quarterstaff with her in her haste.

"Ben." she whispered back. The name seemed like a safe word that freed the both of them in the trance that they were just in, pulling them back to the harsh reality of the real world. His lips pressed into a thin line as he watched the anger spark in her hazel eyes and she began to struggle against his grip. With a wave of his hand, he tugged on the part of her mind that controlled her consciousness, flicking it off like a switch which left Rey unconscious within seconds. He took away his hold on her body and let her fall, catching her in one sweep before could she even hit the ground. He tried to suppress the odd feeling that grew within him when he felt her soft body pressed against him, it was so easy for him to carry her, as if she weighted nothing. Tends to happen when one was fed very poorly.

"We need the other two alive" he ordered to the commander of the troops that stopped beside him as he turned around. "I'm taking the girl back to the base for interrogation, make sure that when you capture the rebel, glean him for information about the resistance base, as for that trooper, send him to the cells for a prosecution, I want to know who is his commanding officer and what batch he was in." he added dryly. He wouldn't allow that trooper to go back to duty even when he was debriefed and his mind wiped clean, once something was tainted, there is nothing that can take it away. Might as well use him to show his employees what would happen if you were to turn against the first order. It was obvious that Hux's perfectly perfect trooper program failed at some aspects.

The commander nodded before he began to bark orders to the other stormtroopers. With Rey unconscious in his arms, he began to make his way towards his ship.

* * *

 

He was there when she had opened her eyes, her body strapped to the restraining apparatus with her limbs secured in a way that she won't be able to move anything but her head. Her eyes fluttered open and he immediately saw the hazy stare of those hazel eyes that swept over the room before falling onto him.

A crease formed on her forehead as she began to resist the restraints that held her against her will.

"Where am I?" She asked after a couple moments of thrashing around in her bounds, glaring down at his seated figure in a corner.

"You're in my ship" he supplied. Frowning when he realized that his voice still distorted by his helmet. A second ticked by while he contemplated on whether he should remove the helmet or keep it on, not wanting to let her see him. It doesn't matter if he did take it off or not, he just needed to get the information he needed from her and then he was done.

"Whatever it is you think I have, I don't." She quickly said to him, as if reading his mind. He rose from his seat and approached her with long steady steps. Her eyes wide and blinking fast while she watched him drew closer.

"We'll see about that." Of course she knew where his uncle was. He left her there alive and unharmed, but he didn't expect that his uncle would still be alive after assuming that during the chaos, the lightsaber that he held had driven through his uncle's body. But no, his uncle was still very much alive and was in hiding, delaying the inevitable.

Finally making up his mind, he took off his helmet and tucked it in between his left arm and body before raising his right hand, hovering it just above Rey's face, his eyes boring unto hers till he felt that tug in the force that allowed him to move his mind wherever he pleases. He latched on to Rey's mind and dove right in, shoving all the barriers that she had tried to put up. He could feel her struggling now, twisting her body in agony, her mouth clamped to keep herself from screaming out. Compared to the normal mind reading, forcing himself within someone's mind was sheer torture, bringing pain to the head down to the victim's body. The barriers in her mind slowly ceased from trying to keep him out and easily giving him access to everything her mind held; her memories, her thoughts, her feelings.

She raised her head defiantly towards him, her eyes cold and determined.

"Get out of my head." She said, pushing him back with her mind. But he stood his ground, probing her mind and reaching that part of her memory that showed what he had done years ago.

He saw himself in the doorway, in her mind, he was terrifying. Something that she had tried to avoid seeing him in. He pushed through that, looking for what he needed. But her last memory of his uncle was that of him shoving her inside a shuttle and watching her take off into the sky. Rey knows nothing of his uncle's current location.

"Ben please." Her voice broke his focus, pulling him back to reality when she called his name.

"Ben Solo is dead. A long time ago." He replied dryly. But she shook her head at him, her eyes hard as she stared back at him. Determined.

"No he's not." She whispered, her features softening. All the hate in her eyes, were gone. Somehow he could feel her pushing back, trying to make her way into his mind as he was doing with her.

"Let it go Rey." he hissed, watching how she flinched from the sound. "You have to let go of the past Rey, you're still holding on to it!"

"And you're trying to run away from it.” She barked back, her mouth trembling and tears threatened to fall from her eyes.

"It’s not too late Ben." She continued on. "If it was then you wouldn't have killed Snoke."

He froze, letting go of his hold on her mind at the same time she had withdrew hers from his. She wasn't supposed to know that. Nobody else knew that Snoke was dead. She took information that were supposed to be a secret.

Everyone was under the pretense that Snoke was still alive. That the supreme leader had preferred to give his orders through Kylo. Heck, even choking Armitage was fun if the ginger head had not assumed that it was Snoke force choking him. Nobody knew that he had killed his own master after he had realized that his master had no plans on finishing his training. In his rage, he attacked and hadn't realized that he had killed his master until he saw his body separated in two. Since then, he ran the first order under the pretense that he was given orders by Snoke. He didn't like that everyone still thinks that he was still an apprentice, he wanted everyone to know the he was finally the master and leader of the first order. But until he found his uncle and completely eradicated the jedi order, he would remain silent.

"You would have killed me back then too." She whispered, her voice shaking while her accusation made his head spin. No, this is not supposed to happen, he was supposed to be the one to be in control, not her. Why was he letting her sway him?

"Shut up!" He bellowed and spun around, giving all of his attention to the wall next to him as he smashed his helmet on it to keep himself from hurting Rey, something that infuriated him even more. Why? He had just tortured her mind earlier into letting him in and forcefully take the information he wanted, but now he doesn't even want to touch her. What the fuck was wrong with him?!

"Ben!" She yelled out. But he couldn't be stopped, the rage boiled within him could never be contained, could never burn out.

"No! No! Stop Rey!" He screamed. Finally dropping the remaining pieces of what was left of his helmet. He turned to her and grabbed her shoulders in an iron grip.

"Just stop!" He screamed again, shaking her. "I won't be turned. I can't go back anymore. If only you know what it feels like, I would show you everything you didn't understand—"

"But I do." she cut him off, his wide bewildered eyes meeting hers. They were fixated on him, full of hope, full of light, two things that he had tried so hard to avoid. He pressed his mouth into a thin line, saying the words before his mind could even protest.

"Join me."

"What?" It was her turn to be surprised, and he continued on in fear that he might change his mind.

"I want you to join me. We can rule the galaxy together with a new order. We can let it all die, the jedi, the sith, the rebellion, everything. I can teach you everything else that you have failed to learn, everything that you needed to know. Everything can be like back then when it was just you and me."

Rey stared back at him, her expression unchanging. He wondered what had she done to him that made him this weak? Even back when they were together in the temple, he couldn't resist her every whim. He felt like he could give her the galaxy, as long as she said yes. Her eyes fluttered close, her face pinching as if in agony and for a fleeting moment he thought that she was in pain, but when she opened her hazel eyes and looked at him dead straight, he felt his heart plummet down his stomach.

"No."


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will remind you guys, I roughly based this fic on the song, so I wanted it to end like that :) I might make a part 3 in the future, but for now this chapter will mark this fic 'completed' ^_~

**_"Rey"_ **

* * *

_But now you're far and impossible to reach_

_My feelings, I whisper to the wind,_

_Wishing that we were still the same like back then_

* * *

"No." She whispered. Looking back defiantly back to the dark man before her, watching how shocked he looked for a fleeting moment, his dark eyes widening in disbelief. But then they shifted into pain, like she had just stabbed him multiple times at the back. A sharp pang went straight to her heart at the sight, but he knew she didn't want Kylo Ren, she wanted and needed Ben Solo.

What did he expect? For her to willingly accept his offer of joining him to the dark side in the same manner that she had agreed to let him take her away from Jakku in the guise of helping her find her family? She had already gotten older, he had already become the leader of the first order behind the scenes, and yet he still haven't fulfilled that one simple promise that he had made to her years ago.

She wanted the man who had taught her that there was a life outside of Jakku, that she can live and search for her family instead of waiting in vain in a dying planet. But as he had said, Ben Solo was gone. He wasn't here, yet. But she was positive that she could bring him back to the light, if he would just let her.

For a second there she thought that he would just suddenly lash out like he did earlier when he broke his helmet on the wall, crushing it. But like that fleeting moment of bewilderment, she saw how he had quickly schooled his features, his eyes and face hardening till he acquired that stoic look on his face. Albeit his brows were still furrowed and met at the base of his prominent nose.

He let go of her shoulders, allowing her to slam back down to the apparatus that she was strapped on. He took a couple of steps back, away from her while seemed to try to collect his thoughts back in order, watching her with cold steely eyes. If she could try to probe his mind again, she would, but she knew that he would only push her away from his mind no matter how she tried.

"Then you're no use to me." he said, his voice deep and cold as the vast darkness of space. For some reason her heart dropped at the words. He lingered for a moment as if regarding her one last look before he turned around and made his way out.

"Take her to the cells." she vaguely heard him bark out the words, ordering the stormtroopers that stood guard outside of the interrogation room. Alone, she listened to the sound of Ben's retreating footsteps that grew fainter the farther he went.

* * *

She didn't know how long had it passed since she was brought down to the lower levels of the destroyer to her holding cell, time seemed too irrelevant here and she couldn't remember when had she stopped crying. Heck she couldn't even remember the last time she cried like that, maybe back when Ben had left her in Yavin 4?

And the time she cried before that? She couldn't remember, she knew she stopped crying when she made the delusion that her family will come back for her and had begun her silent vigil for their return.

She leaned her head on the wall behind her, her eyes glazing over the miraculously clean and shiny prison cell that was obviously hasn't been used since it was built. If she was imprisoned back in Jakku, she knew that she would have been kept in a rotting cell with dingy walls and smelly floor. Her eyes moved everywhere, trying to distract herself from her thoughts. She was a captive of the first order now, and from what she'd heard, they never let any of their war prisoners live. No wonder these holding cells were so damn clean, nobody lasts here for weeks, not even days.

Even if she tried to make an escape, she knew she couldn't get away that easily, no one other than Poe and Finn had escaped the finalizer. Even if by some miraculous chance that she did, where would she go? Back to Jakku? Back to the place where she had once thought of living the rest of her life in misery till the day she died and was swallowed up by the burning sand? She shook her head at the idea.

Going back to Jakku would mean suicide this time, it was like waving a flag at the first order; screaming: "I'm right here!"

Between staying and leaving made no absolute difference; she will still die. Trying to escape would prove a difficult feat, especially since she had no idea where is where and what is what. She might even die trying. So no, she'll just stay here and wait her faith, maybe she would be publicly executed; a lesson for all of the galaxy to see. Who knows, maybe her death might bear a significance in the force.

She closed her eyes and let her body relax, something that she hadn't done since she returned to Jakku. She was always anticipating the dangers in every twitch and sound that had left her on her guard even while she slept. The hum of the ship vibrated underneath her, and within that moment, she felt everything that was in the ship; from the domestic quarters that housed hundreds of trained soldiers and staff to the machinery that made the ship alive. The force hummed within all of them and one particular signature pulled on the force like a sponge, the air surrounding him shimmered with black and white trying to dominate one another that left that individual torn.

A shiver in the air prompted her to open her eyes, her gaze falling on to the person she had expected to see. Ben was inside the cell with her, clear and solid like the last time she was connected to him back in Jakku, she knew he wasn't really here, she could feel his presence but his body was somewhere high above her in the upper levels of the destroyer. But the way he stared meant something.

"You can see me." It wasn't a question, she was stating a fact.

Somehow, the connection between them finally had become a two-way connection. She watched how he pressed his lips into a thin line, his eyes narrowing as he loomed above her. She was tired; physically and emotionally spent, she didn't want to argue with him, nor to fight with him, she wished that if he wanted to end her, he should do it as soon as possible.

"Why?" he asked, his deep voice slightly disoriented by the force connection. Her brows furrowed at the question, her mind quickly trying to discern what he had meant when he asked that very vague query, but she didnt need to probe deep, the answer had hit her right in the face when that same pained expression she had seen earlier had formed on Ben's face.

She chewed on her cheek for a moment, contemplating whether to tell him her answer or not. It was too obvious to be asked, so why did he had to? Did he wanted to hear it from her herself? Or did he actually think that somehow by knowing her answer, he could sway her and finally convince her into joining him.

"You could be free if you just joined me. It won't be necessary to—" he cut himself off, as if dreading the next words that he had wanted to say. He visibly winced and stared down at the floor, unable to look at her in the eye.

"I," she started, hesitating as she followed his gaze and stared at the shiny floor that reflected the lights up ahead. "I can't follow you on the same path you are treading right now. I thought that I could bring you back to the light, but it seems like I had lost you to the darkness a long time ago, when you abandoned me in Yavin." She raised her gaze back at him, blinking back the tears that threatened to fall. She hardened her face, she will not cry in front of him. It was her turn to ask.

"Why?" His gaze looked up from the floor and met her own. "I understand the conflict within you and how it tore you apart. You had us, your uncle, your parents that supported you, and yet why did you have to go down that path Ben? When I finally thought that I found a new family, you had decided to stray and abandon me like my real family did." Her voice started to tremble now, unable to hold back the emotions that plagued her for years now.

"You broke my heart back then, and you're even making it worse now by asking me to join you. I've never felt so alone, first my family abandoned me, then the jedi temple destroyed by you and you left."

She buried her face in the crook of her arms that she crossed over her knees. Wanting to hide the drops of tears that started to fall from her eyes. She blinked them back, willing herself not to cry. She was sick of it. Sick at feeling so pathetic, that she had the power to do anything but still unable to do anything at all. A rustling of clothing took her attention, making her look up. Ben was now sitting on his haunches, meeting her level with his intense eyes watching her closely as if contemplating what to say to her.

"Come back to me please." She pleaded, biting back a few words that suddenly appeared in her head.

No, those were not fit for the moment, they held a deep meaning that she will only save to say on the right time, of what she truly felt for him. For a fleeting moment, she saw the Ben that she knew, whose dark eyes were soft with emotions, sadness mostly, but at least he was not the monster that he had become. Tentatively, she reached out her hand and raised it closer to his face, she knew she couldn't touch him through this connection, but somehow she knew she can this time. She felt him freeze beneath her touch as she grazed her fingers across his pale cheek, watching him close his eyes. When he opened them, they were hazy and heavy with an emotion she couldn't name. He opened his mouth to say something when loud footsteps echoed from the hallway outside.

She jerked her head towards the cell doors to find two stormtroopers waiting outside, blasters ready in their arms. Panic shot through her and when she returned her attention back to Ben, she found him gone. Their connection breaking.

The cell doors hissed open and one of the two stormtroopers walked in, grabbing her by the arm and hoisted her up to her feet to clip the handcuffs on her wrists. She knew that this was it, she was finally going to be executed. Rising from the floor, she was pushed to move against her will. Letting one foot step over the other.

"Act natural." Said the gruff mechanized voice behind the helmet. Her brows furrowed and looked over her shoulder to the stormtrooper that held her arm. Following behind him was a black trash bin that blipped and whistled indistinctively.

"Poe?" she whispered out, her eyes widening at the revelation.

"Shh! Keep it down!" The stormtrooper on her left hissed as he continued to march forward ahead of them, watching for anyone that might come their way; that was definitely Finn. Tearing her gaze from the man, she decided to just keep her mouth shut and stare down at the glossy floor.

What the hell were these two doing?

"I can't believe we're trying to escape from the Finalizer for the second time." Poe whispered excitedly as if this was just quick stop in their joy ride.

"We'll be lucky if we can pull off the same stunt we did last time. They would have placed more patrols in the hangars, waiting for another defective stormtrooper to make another stupid escape." She heard Finn murmur as they rounded a corner and boarded a turbolift up to the higher levels.

"Then we're lucky we won't need to."

"Why would you two risk coming back here just to save me?" She whispered, glancing at Poe when Finn had chosen not to grace her question with a verbal answer. Finn had simply looked back towards Poe, gave a short nod as if pointing his chin at him before he looked away. "I told you guys; I don’t know where Master Skywalker is!"

"No you don't," Poe said, the mechanical distortion that the helmet made to his voice still didn't hide the mischievous tone that he had. She could easily imagine him smiling that lopsided grin hiding behind the helmet. "But the First order is on you now, and that means that you are one of us. And we do not leave a buddy behind."

Her? A part of the resistance? She never wanted to take a part in this war, but she was already in it. She was already involved whether she liked it or not. And there she was, just after rejecting the offer to join Ben to rule over the First order, she was unwittingly dragged in joining the resistance. She didn't have anywhere else to go, but staying with the resistance only increased the first order's chances of finding their hidden base using her and Ben's unusual connection. She didn't want to be the one to expose them to the first order, but then she could probably…

No, as soon as they had escaped, she will take her leave and go somewhere far away. She will not be the one to compromise the location of the resistance base.

The turbolift brought them to their designated level, noting how it was barren compared to the higher levels that she had passed through when she was brought to the Finalizer.

"Here." Poe nudged her towards a corner. The lights dimmed and in a split second, they had bled scarlet and began flashing brightly. A warning alarm started blaring in the unseen speakers before a man's voice followed after the deafening sound reporting for troops to start the manhunt for an escaped prisoner.

"Shit!" She heard Poe curse out and grabbed her arm, dragging her half dazed state with him. The next thing she knew, she was being shoved inside a ship; one that she had seen back in Unkar Plutt's line of ships that were for sale.

"You flew in this hunk of garbage?!" she blurted out in disbelief as she accepted the key that Poe gave her and began to unlock the cuff on her wrists. Following Poe to the cockpit afterwards as tried to think of what they could have done to get this thing inside the Finalizer without being spotted. Heck, she even wondered how they made it fly in the first place.

"Hey she isn't much, but the _Millennium falcon_ had served the Rebel alliance faithfully back in the day, I don't see a problem with it continuing its legacy for the resistance." Poe supplied, taking off the helmet and shaking his brown locks free from the tangles, throwing the damned thing in a corner before taking his place in the pilot's seat and began pressing the appropriate buttons on the console to bring the ship to life.

"The _Millennium fal_ —" her breath caught up in her throat, feeling her eyes bulge out from their sockets as she slumped down on the co-pilot's seat. She was inside Han Solo's ship! Ben's father's ship.

She would have allowed herself to admire the interior of the ship with her mind reeling back to the stories that she had heard about this ship if not for the insistent blaring alarm from the Finalizer, alerting stormtroopers and alike that she was on the loose.

"Anytime now!" Finn barked to Poe, his helmet now thrown at a corner of the ship and tumbled at the impact, before taking his place on the gunner's turret, ready to aim and fire. From the viewing panel, she could see dozens of storm troopers headed their way, blasters aimed at the revving ship that was still locked on the floor. A few blaster shots had already been fired, most of which had missed their intended target.

"The doors!" Poe yelled as he turned to briefly glance at something behind them. She followed his gaze and took a moment to process what he meant but saw nothing out of the ordinary from the access tunnel. She drew her gaze back to the console where Poe was already muttering a sting of curse words as he continued to fumble with the buttons. A blinking light caught the corner of her eye, finally letting her know what was wrong.

"I got it!" She yelled to Poe and clambered out of the seat, seeing that the ship's system was warning them that the boarding ramp had been carelessly left open in their haste and that closing it remotely was being denied by the computer system. Someone had to closed it manually. She found it hanging wide open, a throng of stormtroopers already inching their way close to the ship with their blasters raised.

The ship swayed as it lifted off the ground, throwing her off balance and staggered side to side. Her hands flew out, stretching to grab hold of something to steady her and to keep her body from being thrown out of the ship. Luckily, after being shoved forward by the momentum, she had grabbed hold of the door sill of the boarding ramp, just by the control panels that sparked. Blaster shots were fired and she could finally smell the burning metal from the lasers that bore their way through hard metal.

When she pressed a button to close the doors, it didn't activate and left them hanging. She huffed out a frustrated sigh and began fumbling on the wires that was exposed on the control panel, tearing open one of the side to expose more of the wires.

A shiver ran down her spine, not because of a spark of electricity shooting through her hand, but because of a presence that lingered. She harshly shoved the wires that she had just reattached, her eyes wandering to the outside of the ship where a certain black clad young man was staring back at her from down below.

' _Rey.'_ she heard him in her mind, his eyes searching hers as if they were pleading.

_'Ben'_ she tried thinking back, hoping that he could hear he like she could hear him. Her heart lurched when she saw him take a step forward, his lightsaber deactivated on his right hand, his figure shrinking as the distance between them became further and further apart. The distance suddenly made her feel like she was being torn apart.

_'Ben I—'_

'I know.' he cut her off, obviously reading what was on her mind as he shook his head. _'I feel it too.'_

The bitter taste of a fresh batch of tears pooled at the corner of her eyes. She bit back the choking sob that almost escaped her throat and took a step back, shaking her head in disbelief. No she didn't want this to happen, she didn't want everything to end like this. But looking at his dark eyes were enough to tell her that it was not yet possible to bring him back to the light, to bring him back to her.

' _I'm sorry'_ she heard him whisper in her mind before ordering his troops; "Take down that ship."

More blasters fired towards their way. She blinked back hard and pressed the button to close the bay doors along with the barriers in her mind, completely blocking off Ben —No —Kylo Ren from her mind and severing this unusual connection between them. She had to do it, it was the only way for her to stay away from him for a moment. This connection they both had was influencing her feelings and making her stupid. It had to end. If she wanted to save him, she had to do something, even if it meant breaking her heart again.

As the boarding ramped raised and the doors hissed closed, she harshly wiped away that single tear that fell from her eye and struggled to make her way back to the cockpit where she slumped herself to her seat beside Poe. Turning to Poe, she fumbled on the buttons, preparing the _Falcon_ to jump to lightspeed.

"Let’s get out of here."


End file.
